Here is a wonderful short clip that helps to put the day in perspective. Watch it whenever you need a quick calming down:

You Think That You Are So Special…

(In memory of the machinations of a borderline controller, with condolences to all the other women who came before (and will come after), and once thought THEY were special too…)

updated Sept, 2001

. . . that it won’t happen to you. He’ll be different with you.

You two have a "connection," a rapport that he didn’t have with his ex. You have more things in common, similar personalities. He’s pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike - it’s just uncanny. You are so lucky to have met him at this point in your life. He says that he really appreciates you for who you are - and he’s the first person to really do that, isn’t he? Sure, he said the same things to *her* when he got together with her (and then grew to hate so many things about her), but it’s different with you. He couldn’t possibly be operating from scripts anymore. And it’s so nice to finally have someone YOU can lean on, isn’t it? It’s hard being on your own, building a career, managing a household, and doing it all yourself. All of a sudden, here’s this guy offering to help in ways that no one ever did. Knowing all the things you have been longing for and wanting in a partner. He couldn’t possibly be hooking into your heart-felt desires and hurt places and pretending to be the answer, because he knows that’s where you are vulnerable. He couldn’t be pretending to like the things you like, and want the things you want, and be the person you have been looking for, because it’s part of his patterns. Just because he did that with the women that came before you, doesn’t mean he’s doing that with you. He’s really sincere this time.

He’s told you all his deep dark secrets (at least, all the ones he thinks can win him sympathy and attention). He’s acknowledged how he behaved badly in the past (even though it was brought out by who he was with). You two must have a very special connection for him to be so open and "honest". And he seems to be remorseful, so that must mean he won’t do that kind of thing again, right? Not with you. You’re special. So what if he told his ex the same kinds of deep, dark secrets, opened up in the same way? So what if he exhibited the same kind of remorse for things he did to partners before HER? So what if he told her all the same sob stories and pretended to be working on his shit with her? So what if he lied to his therapist and others? He really means it this time, with you.

He says things are going to be different with YOU. Even though he SAYS he accepts responsibility for his actions, he also says that it was really things in HER that brought out his bad behavior. He’s not going to be like that with YOU. Sure, he said the same things to HER, but this time he’ll be different, because he’s told you how YOU are different from her. (So what if he’s told other people how you remind him of HER? That doesn’t mean he’s following the same old patterns, targetting the same types of women. That doesn’t mean that he’ll be turn abusive with YOU at some point…) He’s such a sweet, wonderful, helpful guy, it MUST have been something in HER that caused him to act badly, right?

So what if he was busy cutting her down behind her back with their mutual friends while he was telling her she was the "best thing that ever happened to him", and that he had "never loved anyone as much as he loved her"? That doesn’t mean he still has the capacity to be manipulative and dishonest and cruel. He was just confused, the poor man. And besides, he won’t be like that anymore, with the right woman to love him and dote on him. She just didn’t give him the kind of attention he really needed. But YOU will. So he’d NEVER do that to YOU.

So what if it was less than a year after breaking off with his ex before he got together with you? It’s not like an abuser should spend a few years in therapy, and work on his stuff before getting involved in another intimate relationship, right? I mean, after over 4 decades abuse and being an abuser, he can get himself fixed up enough to stop harming others in a just few months, with the right woman to rescue, er, "help" him.

And those stories of how his ex-wife emotionally abandoned him… He’s just had it so ROUGH all his life! He told you how she didn’t even try to keep the marriage together or say that she wanted to try to salvage their relationship when he said he wanted to separate. She was just so unfeeling! The poor man - here he was trying so HARD and all - seeing a counsellor and everything! It couldn’t possibly be that SHE was so emotionally beaten down by his behavior that she was RELIEVED when he wanted to leave… He couldn’t have been emotionally abusive and dishonest with HER too! If his ex-wife didn’t trust him, it had nothing to do with HIM and his behavior - it must have been HER issues.

So what if he USED YOU to break a trust with a woman he was already seeing? It’s not like they were actually *partners* or anything! She was just convenient for hurting his ex (he set her up really nicely to do that a couple of times), getting attention, an ego stroke, and occasional sex while he was waiting for the *right* woman to show up. Since you came along, he doesn’t need her anymore. He’s got YOU to feed his ego. And breaking her trust was a convenient way to ensure that he wouldn’t have to bother with her anymore and could focus on YOU. He did it so carefully too. (He knows that it’s the series of "gentle" cuts that leave the most stinking wounds.) That way, SHE would be the one saying she didn’t want to have anything to do with HIM, and he could blame HER for why they can’t still be friends. Isn’t he clever? What a creative way to get rid of someone when they are no longer useful!

And if this most recent woman doesn’t want to see him anymore or even be friends with him, it must be because she is jealous of the wonderful relationship you and HE have! It must be because he dumped her for you, and she’s just not big enough to accept that. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the WAY he did things or tried to blame HER for his behavior. It couldn’t have anything to do with him LYING to her and using her, and having a hidden agenda of expectations that he told her she just wasn’t living up to. Nope. That would be his old M.O. playing out again, and he was a changed man by the time he met you. So it couldn’t be THAT.

Besides, even if she deeply cared about him, he didn’t have the same deep feelings for her, so that makes it ok to have sex with you, before talking to HER about it, right? He was just so TAKEN with you! Doesn’t that just make you feel all . . . oh, I don’t know - SPECIAL? She just wasn’t long term partner material, and he made that clear to her anyway. If she knew he didn’t have the same feelings, and was willing to continue to be used by him because she had fallen in love with him, who was HE to turn down that kind of attention and strokes? It’s not like he had any responsibility to not take advantage of someone who was emotionally vulnerable or anything. And he broke things off with her eventually. He just didn’t tell her about you and the sex stuff right away because he wanted to *protect* her from getting hurt. What a GREAT guy! See, he really did have amazing consideration for HER feelings! Withholding information isn’t the same as LYING or anything. That’s not dishonest, right? It couldn’t possibly be that he was deliberately stringing her along until he was sure YOU were hooked. No. He’s too sweet and charming and nice for that. He was just CONFUSED about his feelings, that’s all. Besides, it’s not like you two had UNPROTECTED sex before he told her about you, so that he could use you (the way he used HER) to break THAT trust as well… Even if he’s BROKEN A SACRED TRUST THIS SAME WAY, SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE (with other partners and lovers), he wouldn’t be repeating the same old abuse patterns with you.

You’re special.

And even if he WAS being dishonest at the start of your relationship, he lied to someone ELSE. It’s not like he was dishonest with YOU (that you know of, yet), so that makes it OK, right? (So what if ms-non-partner-material thought the same thing, and excused him, the first time she found out he was dishonest with her? This time, he will be different, because he really LOVES you.)

Of course, he told you how his last sex partner said she didn’t think it would last between you two (when he broke it off with her)… but he couldn’t be using THAT as a ploy to hook you further (wanting to prove her wrong). So what if he used exactly the same line on each new mark in the past, telling the next one in line that the previous one didn’t believe the two of you could last? He wouldn’t be using LINES and PLOYS and subtle MANIPULATION on YOU…

Even if in his past, he DID say,

"Some of the problems I bring about by vamping, pumping up the emotional content of a situation. Of course that’s easy to do with a new friend. I have a stock of techniques and behaviors, tested. I’m also inventive … so I pick up new techniques fairly quickly…

It’s just I’d rather enjoy the "romance". It comes naturally to me. I enjoy doing it. It’s also a head trip for me, with my poor self esteem, to have someone so taken with me. I like the first results, the joyous feelings, the elation, the euphoria, just not where it leads."

… he couldn’t possibly still have been doing that with her, or even YOU. He has REAL, deep feelings for you. You’ve even seen him cry and show his vulnerable side. That MUST mean he’s sincere, right? He couldn’t possibly be using YOU for an ego stroke. Not the man YOU know.

He’s just so caring and sensitive and considerate. He’s so sweet, rubbing cream into your hands and feet at night, sending you little cards, reading to you in the afternoon, doing all those romantic things. He really does seem too good to be true - cooking, cleaning, intelligent, literate, creative, affectionate. So what if he was like that for the first year or so with her too… before the subtle patterns of abuse started to creep in? So what if all that "wonderful" behavior shifted until he was telling her he loved her one day and then telling others how horrible she was behind her back the next? He wouldn’t do that to you too, down the road. She must have brought it out in him. He couldn’t possibly be playing the same game over and over again, with you as the next target. All those wonderful things he has done - all the romantic things, all the ways he has helped out and called, and done things for you, they couldn’t all be just scripts. "Stock Techniques" for hooking. No. This time, he’s sincere. This time he’ll be different, with you.

So what if he has been incapable of honesty and integrity all his life? So what if he actually admitted to his ex (just about the time you two met): "I am afraid of truth-tellers. I have so many lies in my past and present. The truth burns." That couldn’t mean that he was telling lies to YOU. After all, he was so HONEST about his dishonesty so THAT’S got to count for something… It must mean he realizes his mistakes and won’t make the same ones again, right? The fact that he acknowledges things is so CONVINCING. If he acknowledges it, then he couldn’t possibly STILL do those sorts of things. Sure, sure. He had HER convinced too. But he couldn’t possibly be STILL lying to YOU. You’re special.

So what if two of the other women he was involved with wound up in the psychiatric ward? So what if he "helped" a vulnerable friend by encouraging her to break her marriage vows, exacerbating her marital problems, and then abandoning her when she asked if he could be there for her? He needed an ego stroke and she was conveniently there and conveniently vulnerable from a death in the family. So what if he undermined his ex’s support network and used a mentally ill woman’s attraction to him to try and hurt her further? So what if he used and hurt a dying woman so that he could feel needed and in control? He was just being HELPFUL to all those women. Maybe he LIED to them, sometimes, but that was only to PROTECT the fragile little dears. He’s SUCH a sensitive guy, you see. He couldn’t POSSIBLY have been USING people for ego strokes.

So what if he used and was abusive to his life-partner’s children in order to get back at his her? Hurting and using kids is excusable, right? (After all, she must have deserved it. THEY must have deserved it. Right? Because he really DOES love kids… or at least, that’s what he has said…) The guy YOU know could never be like that. And… well… even if he WAS, he’s obviously changed. He’s undergone a miraculous transformation in just one year. He’s just shed ALL those abusive patterns and become a NEW man. He’s going to be completely different, with you.

Yeah, sure, he might have done those kinds of things in the past, but the past is the past, right? It doesn’t have any danger of repeating itself with you. Just because all those other women were "damaged", doesn’t mean that he will someday be telling people how damaged YOU are… Not YOU. You’re SPECIAL.

His love for you is so strong and your connection to each other is so different (at least, that’s what he has told you, and you know you can trust him, right?), he wouldn’t EVER do anything deliberately hurtful or malicious to YOU. He wouldn’t undermine YOUR support network and use your friends to hurt YOU. He’d never make snide remarks about YOU behind your back and then make sure you found out about it. No no no. SHE must have brought that out in him. But you, you’re special.

Besides, he’s been in therapy. That must mean he’s sincere, right? He wouldn’t possibly be using the whole "therapy" thing as a cover-up to make himself look better because his reputation got damaged after the fiasco with his ex. He couldn’t possibly be using contrition, and the "I feel so bad about myself"-line to get sympathy and support! He couldn’t possibly be looking for a person to hook into that is in a different town so that she has less likelihood of finding out his past. He couldn’t possibly be going after women who have a strong sense of personal responsibility because he knows how to manipulate that to try and get them to feel responsible for HIS sick feelings. He couldn’t possibly be seeking out active, intelligent, dedicated women, so that he can PUNISH them when they don’t direct all that energy to HIM. Just because he has engaged in such manipulative behavior in the past doesn’t mean he would be doing that NOW. Not with YOU. You’re SPECIAL.

He’s so contrite and sincere about "working on his issues", he couldn’t possibly be lying about that. Just because he has a history pathological lying to himself and others, doesn’t mean he’ll be that way with you. Besides, if he has deceived himself so completely that HE doesn’t know it’s a lie, then he can’t be held accountable for it, right? He can always claim that he doesn’t have good "memory" for things in the past. But don’t worry. He won’t use that sort of deception and evasion with YOU. You’re special.

The poor guy just made bad choices before (you). Sure he made mistakes, but if most of his ex(s) don’t want to have anything to do with him, and some now think he is mentally ill, it must be because THEY are unstable - I mean, look at how amazing and kind and charming he is with you… He couldn’t possibly have been like that with them TOO… He wouldn’t be using stock romance "lines" on YOU.

This time, it’s REALLY love. You’re Special.

Sure, he did a *few* things in his past that were unkind, but he needs to be forgiven for HIS behavior, (after all, she drove him to it), but HER mistakes and reactions to his abuse, were unforgivable. But things will be different with you. He won’t think YOUR mistakes are unforgivable. He won’t apply a double-standard to YOU. He won’t expect YOU to be perfect and subtlely criticize you when you don’t measure up to his standards. You’re the one who is going to change his life. And, of course, you keep your kitchen immaculate, so he’ll have no reason to criticize THAT.

And speaking of unforgivable, of COURSE he can’t forgive her for doing things that *hurt* him (he’s so deeply sensitive, you see) - but he couldn’t possibly have lied about the things he said she did. He couldn’t possibly have "set up" situations so he could cry foul… He wouldn’t have ENCOURAGED her to do things so he could later claim that he was hurt by her… And, well, even if he DID, maybe do that, he certainly won’t do it with YOU. You’re too special for that. Any time he tells you he’s happy for you and he encourages you to do something, he’ll REALLY mean it, with YOU. He won’t create a revisionist fantasy of your past so that he can insist you did things to hurt him as a justification for his cruelty to you. He won’t secretly resent you for not devoting all your time to him. Even if he DID do that with her, he won’t do it with you. Especially after he makes all those sacrifices and moves in with you. He won’t secretly be dependent on YOU for all his attention. He won’t be more demanding of you and your time and resent you when you don’t give it all to him. Not THIS time. You’re SPECIAL.

He’s such a nice guy, he won’t "help" you (especially unsolicited) and then have an unstated hidden agenda like he did with all the others. He’s going to claim his right to be "selfish" now, because he’s been so USED from all the excessive GIVING he did in the past that nobody really appreciated. The poor guy. He’s never taken time to be selfish in the past - not even when he was sitting alone in his room, sucking off his hurts, or using other people. That wasn’t selfish - that was just "acting out". But he’s better now. Don’t worry. He won’t use his new-found right to be "selfish" against YOU. No. He really is a changed man, with you. With you he will give unconditionally.

It’s no WONDER he behaved so badly! Look at how his ex was always hurting him, oppressing him with her refusal to live her life solely for him, expecting him to be honest with his feelings and actions, when he just wasn’t ready. And besides, he just can’t handle confrontation, you know? And like, she’s just so SCARY when she’s upset (it’s just so unbeCOMing when women display any anger!) that he HAD to act that way. She actually raised her voice at times! Can you imagine? He had this abusive childhood, so nobody else is allowed to have anger except HIM. Because, like, he can’t DEAL with it, and he shouldn’t be expected to! He couldn’t possibly have been projecting HIS issues on her so that someone else could have his anger FOR him, or so that he could get angry with someone other than himself! He couldn’t possibly have been DELIBERATELY hitting all her hot buttons to hurt and upset her so he could lay blame. And, well, even if he DID do that for years, he won’t do it anymore, with you.

And if somehow you accidentally do things that "trigger" his old abuse patterns, he’ll be so sweet in telling you how you are doing things that remind him of her, so that YOU can change YOUR behavior. After all, you wouldn’t want him to start acting abusive again because of something YOU did.

And you don’t have to worry about that, because you’ll never get upset with him, and you’ll never challenge him to be honest or to accept responsibility for his actions. SHE did that, and it was "controlling," but it’ll be different with you, because you know better. And you won’t need to worry about calling him on his behavior anyway, because he’ll NEVER lie to YOU. He’ll always be completely honest and upfront with you. He won’t have to "forget" any promises he made to YOU. If he is inconsiderate, it won’t be DELIBERATE, with you. If he lied to her or anyone else, it was because they drove him to it. With you, he won’t withhold information, or distort the truth. He won’t break fundamental relationship agreements with YOU. He won’t HAVE to, because you’ll be right there validating him 24/7, supporting him and telling him how he’s so CLEVER and BRAVE to have escaped such a horrible relationship, and how wonderful it is that he is working so HARD to overcome his terrible past!

And it’s a good thing he’s not going to do any of those things he might have done in the past, because then you won’t have to worry about forgiving him. You see, she REPEATEDLY forgave him for the lies and the accidentally-on-purpose "mistakes", and all that did was make him feel bad about himself - that she could forgive and he couldn’t. Wasn’t that AWFUL of her to make him feel so bad that way? So she DESERVED to be punished even more. And she should NEVER have shown any guilt when he manipulated her. It just caused him to hurt her more. He told her it was "like blood in the water for sharks" for him. She should have known better. YOU know better. But then, he won’t be manipulative and passive-aggressive with YOU.

He’ll be different with you. You’re SPECIAL.

And sure he made her work at the relationship when he wasn’t really trying, but that wasn’t being dishonest - he just didn’t know what he really wanted, so that made it OK to put the burden of the relationship responsibility on her. Sure he admitted that he wanted her to make him the first priority in HER life, but he wasn’t willing to afford her the same consideration. But that wasn’t one of his patterns. He won’t do that with YOU. Besides, he admitted his dishonest behavior after they broke up, so that makes it ok. It erases everything. His slate’s clean. He even said he was sorry, months later, so that shows how sincere he was. He couldn’t possibly still have been interlacing the apology with blame. He’s not STILL acting manipulative and projecting issues…. and well, if he is, he’s only doing that with HER because of their history - he wouldn’t do that with YOU.

And it’s so sweet how he still talks about how much he cared for his ex, how much he did for her out of love. Sometimes, he even talks fondly of his treasured memories of her, of how she "helped" him (when she wasn’t hurting him, the witch) - that must mean he’s a deep, sensitive guy, right? Maybe you can even "help" him to forgive her and heal from his terrible past… Just like SHE thought she could "help" him…

And besides, he did so many NICE things for her and all those other women. That should count for SOMETHING, right? It’s not like he was emotionally abusive or manipulative ALL the time. So it kind of cancels things out, right? It’s not like he HIT anyone or anything. At least the things he did didn’t leave any VISIBLE marks. Besides, he probably just made honest mistakes, that’s all. He couldn’t have actually got off on seeing them hurt and crying. He wouldn’t have LAUGHED condescendingly in someone’s face while she was crying. Not the man YOU are involved with. HE certainly doesn’t remember doing anything like that - and HIS memory is inviolate.

Even if he HAS been emotionally abusive and dishonest with others, he’s going to be different with you. Especially after you two move intogether. It IS especially hard on him having a long-distance relationship. He wouldn’t be talking about how hard it is to keep up the intensity and connectedness over such a distance. He wouldn’t be implying that the relationship might not last if you don’t move in together… He wouldn’t have some kind of hidden agenda around that. He wouldn’t be trying to subtley manipulate you, and get you worried about losing him, like he did with the others. He just REALLY CARES for you, and really wants the two of you to be together.

He’s told you how different he feels with YOU. How different he IS with you. How healing your love is. How much he NEEDS you. What a wonderful person he thinks you are. How important you are in his life. How much he values and appreciates you, and misses you when you are not together. How amazingly transformed he feels now that he has finally met someone as SPECIAL as YOU.

So what if he told her the same things? He really MEANS it this time, with you.

He’s a changed person, (this time, for REAL) with you. You’re special.

You don’t need to talk to any of his ex’s to find out what he was REALLY like, because the past is the past, right? You couldn’t possibly learn anything from their experiences, because he’s not going to be like that anymore. It couldn’t possibly be that they have anything valid to say. Besides, you trust him to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH about his past (as far as he can "remember" it), right?

And he’s such a sensitive, caring guy, he REALLY does wish he and his ex could be FRIENDS now. Even though he NEVER ONCE called her or emailed her and said, "Listen, I don’t want it to end like this. Can we please talk?" (Even when he was still living downstairs. Even when she was in tears, begging him to *please* leave. NEVER ONCE.) SHE is the one to blame for all the bad feelings. It was HER responsibility to rectify things with HIM. And he can’t understand why she would have NO desire to have any contact with him, NO desire to have anything to do with him - after all he did for her, after what they had. After all, SHE is the one who did unforgivable things. He’s so uncomfortable around her now, because of how much she hurt him. He wouldn’t STILL be projecting HIS issues on her, and implying that they are HER issues… After all, he’s a changed man.

But you don’t have to worry. He won’t PUBLICLY divulge YOUR insecurities or deeply intimate things you told him in confidence - he won’t betray your trust - like he did with her. No matter what happens between you and him, you’ll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS. You and he will always be able to work things out. So what if he said EXACTLY THE SAME THING TO HER (and all the others) too? It’ll be different with you. You’re special.

He won’t wait a year or two before he starts in on YOU. He won’t then use his knowledge of YOUR insecurities and emotional hot buttons to deliberately hurt YOU. He won’t start using psychological warfare to couch his deliberately hurtful actions in social plausibility with YOU. He won’t flirt with your close friends and use any attraction they might have to him, against YOU. NO. He won’t tell you that you just weren’t meeting his needs or living up to his expectations. He won’t expect you to read his mind. He won’t try to make it look like YOU are the reason he is unhappy, and YOU are the cause of your relationship problems. He won’t set you up to get upset with him so that YOU are the one who breaks it off with him, (or you get so angry with him that he HAS to break it off with YOU) and HE looks like a martyr (AGAIN). So what if he made all the same promises to her? Just because he was following some of his old patterns when he got involved with you, doesn’t mean he’s going to follow through on the rest of them. He’s CHANGED now.

You’re special. Just like SHE was when he was with HER. Just like they ALL thought they were.

He’s so sensitive and compassionate, he couldn’t have talked coldly to them about killing animals or wanting to break someone’s legs. No. Not the man YOU know. He’s different with YOU.

And when he starts telling you how much he MISSES his adult son, it won’t be to deflect, and distract you from being upset with him because he has just said or done something really inconsiderate or unkind. It won’t be to evoke sympathy from you and get you thinking what a wonderful, caring parent he is. Just because he lived less than a mile away from his son and hardly ever SAW him doesn’t mean that the "missing" monologue is for attention and redirection.

He’s so nice right now, so supportive. So what if he was that way with her too at the beginning? He won’t revert back to his headgames of praising and encouraging one minute and subtlely criticizing how you keep the house, the way you do things, things you say, in the next. He wouldn’t yank YOUR chain like that.

He’s so attentive right now, so interested in everything you say and do! He won’t turn around one day and tell you he’s NOT INTERESTED in the things that interest you, and then accuse you of not paying enough attention to HIM. He won’t get mopey and upset because you get more attention than he does at social functions. He won’t resent you for your charisma. Just because he did that before doesn’t mean he’s going to do it again with YOU. As long as you make sure HE is the center of attention, and he’s getting his ego stroked, he probably won’t get nasty with you… Right? It couldn’t be that he is a bottomless pit, and that you can NEVER give him enough attention. Not the man YOU know. Not with YOU. You’re special.

And the fact that another woman’s experience was so terrible with him, his distortions and multiple personalities so devastating that she felt compelled to warn other people about him and the "type" of abuser he is - well that’s no consequence. It must have been *her* that brought it out in him. He’s so different now that he’s found YOU and your healing love. So what if he said the same kinds of things to her? You are going to ignore those nagging little doubts in the back of your mind, because you want to believe so badly in the sweet, helpful, romantic person he is portraying right now. You don’t want to believe there is a dark malicious side to him that enjoys seeing others suffer. You want to believe you are special, and he is right there encouraging you, building you up, telling you how nobody understands him the way YOU do. He’s telling you that he just wants to stop feeling BAD about himself (and she made him feel that way, the witch!). He’s telling you that if he can’t make it work with you, he’s afraid he can’t make it with ANYONE… It’s so tragic… (Yeah, he said that to her too, but so what?)

YOU are the one who can "fix" his wounded ego. Your relationship with him will be So Much Better than his last ones, because you’re special! With you, he’ll be honest and straight-forward for the first time in his life. He won’t become cruel or passive-aggressive. He won’t play headgames anymore. He’ll stop using and discarding people like old kleenex. He won’t be rude or unkind or disrespectful like he was with those other women. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, HE’S NOW A CHANGED MAN. (Changed for the better, of course.) Not because of therapy. Not because he’s removed himself from relationships and taken some serious time to get his shit together. Not because he REALLY apologized (without interlacing it with blame) to anyone he harmed in the past, or made amends. Not because he’s done any REAL work. Not because he’s actually admitted to his real motivations, or made a single sincere change.

He just needed to find the RIGHT woman to "save" him from himself and "help" him become a better man, and that’s YOU.

You just KNOW he’ll be different with you. Right?

Psychic Protection. Before talking about psychic protection one will probably wonder what it is and why someone might need it. Do you find that you have a problem with such things as insomnia, poor sleep, nightmares or low energy levels ? Particularly around certain people and/or in certain places ? Do you find that you sometimes lose a lot of energy (psychic draining) in these circumstances ? Perhaps you are constantly lacking in energy ? Maybe being diagnosed as having chronic-fatigue-syndrome (CFS). If the answer is "yes" then chances are that you are under intentional, or unintentional, negative psychic influence. What some people call being under psychic attack. Psychic protection is what one may choose to learn to counter such influences. Before we can better understand this we need to understand what these negative influences are. Put simply they are usually able to be put into two categories.

Thought energies (or if they have a shape - thought-forms) and negative spirit influence. Negative thought energies are created by someone (dead or alive) thinking negative thoughts eg: anger, hatred, fear etc. If the person is thinking these thoughts towards us then they are projected in our direction. In addition as negative spirits like negative energy these people will often accompany the energies. Particularly if this is done "formally" i.e. a spell.

Our OWN thought can also cause us harm when they are overwhelming our daily life and need to be cleared away as best as possible too in the form of prayer, meditation and calling on our spirit guides and angels. Fortunately there is a defense against these things. Positive energies will dissolve negative ones and we can arrange for positive spirits to help protect us against negative ones. There is nothing particularly profound about it. To cancel out a fire, water is a good response. The principle of using an opposite response to a spell or any negativity directed towards us is along the same lines. The negative thought content of a spell, or any other form of psychic attack, can be "cancelled out" by directing a positive thought-form of the same, or greater, strength at it. When they meet the negative thought-form will dissolve. The effect of negative entities can be "cancelled out" by positive entities of the same, or greater, strength. If the positive spirits predominate then many of the negative entities can be "cleared" (permanently) to spirit worlds.

Positive thought-forms are created by positive thoughts. A good method is to imagine oneself filled with (and radiating) a hot, bright, golden light. Like one is a miniature sun. Getting help from positive spirits is arranged by requesting it. Prayer in other words. There is also a technique called ‘white lighting’. Read how below.

Three other points worth noting : (1) There are some reasonable books that can be purchased on this topic of psychic protection. (2) If someone is currently sending you negative effect, as in a ’spell’, then you need to direct light etc. to them constantly. Until you feel they have stopped. If you "clear" yourself today then there is no reason why they cannot dump you with new discordant energies tomorrow ! (3) Keep in mind that things can take time.

Some people think that praying for one night and imagining white light around them for five minutes will solve all their problems. This is unlikely. Suppose discordant effect had built up around you and/or your house for ten years. Do you think it reasonable to expect it to go in five minutes ? Think of it this way. If you had a blow torch could you melt an iceberg ? The answer is of course yes, but….it would take more than five minutes ! The following is something to think about when consulting psychics or advice or a reading. This is especially true if you yourself are an empath or have strong psychic abilities yourself.

Using Psychics It would be lovely to say that all psychics are wonderful, warm and friendly people whose progress on the spiritual path is marked by a complete absence of jealously and back biting. Unfortunately human nature isn’t changed that easily. Dion Fortune, a famous psychic writer who …., told a lovely story of being invited to a select club where half a dozen members all took her aside secretly to tell her that their Guide was none other than Jesus but she wasn’t to let any of the members know. Spiritual snobbishness is probably worse than the class kind, "My Guide is higher than your Guide", "You must wear a white coat when you’re healing", etc. etc.

Listen to what other psychics have to say. But in the end, as with advice from any other source, including Spirit, make up your OWN mind, based on what seems sensible to you. Absolutely do not let yourself be controlled by so called Masters or whatever names people use who want power. The best mediums and teachers are those who want YOUR development over their need to boost their own egos.

It is unfortunately not that uncommon for psychics to come under some form of psychic attack at some stage. This may be from other groups (both those supposedly aligned to the Light and those practicing the ‘black arts’) or more commonly a psychic individual who has taken a dislike to you. It is NEVER acceptable for any worker for Spirit to attempt to psychically attack another individual or group and they will have to suffer the consequences of that act at some point in their lives. These attacks can sometimes be difficult to detect and deal with. Again this is why it is so important to develop you own psychic protection method.

There may be a run of uncommonly bad luck, feelings of not being well (or if an intense attack, actual sickness), psychic work deteriorates and there may develop suspicions of others motives and abilities. An attack such as these must be faced and dealt with but it is quite acceptable to enroll the help of other psychics. However ask people who have had previous experience in this area, as the thought form sent against you may be powerful and need careful work to dissolve it. Personally I do not find it acceptable to send such thought forms back against those who sent it. Send them Love and Light instead. More severe attacks, that involve ritual magic or manifested entities need to be dealt with professionally but cannot be helped by an expensive candle burning and some words over a telephone!!! A word of warning here though also, not all bad luck and illness is caused by a psychic attack. Sometimes these may be tests from Spirit to test your resolve. Use common sense and don’t be paranoid about such things. Develop a sense of outward Love and strong inner defenses, these are the best protection of all.

Other People You know that feeling of being drained after having talked to some people and the way that they often feel better. This can be a real drainage of Your energy and is very common. This tends to cover two main areas: Unconscious draining of energy - where people seem to absorb everything you have got to give like some energy draining vampire. They often go away feeling better but you are left a drained wreck. Conscious draining of energy - some people just like to be in control. Keeping and maintaining this control can take many subtle and unsubtle forms, from crying to physical abuse. The common factor is that these attacks are conscious and deliberate in form. This can be just as debilitating on the psychic level as the physical. Defending against such attacks? Firstly and most importantly - keep thinking positively. Do not give way to negative thoughts and influences when dealing with Spirit. Easily said perhaps, but a good loving and positive attitude makes you pretty much invincible!! Here are some methods that only take a few minutes to do and can be done as many times a day as you feel a need.

Shield of Light Close your eyes and circle an imaginary ring of pure, white light about six inches over the head, then quarter with a cross (there are other symbols that will work just as well but for most western mediums the cross has most meaning and protective ability). From this cross in a circle of light draw down over the head and body a protective sheath of shining white light, that ends under the feet. This should then be joined under the feet. I have heard it described like fitting a sack or bag over you and then tying it up.

Orb of Light This can easily be combined with the method above. Image an orb of white (or blue if this seems more effective) light hovering and sending out rays of light about 9 inches to a foot above the crown of the head. Some people link this to the head or third eye with strand of light but I have not found this to be necessary.

Color Defenses Imagine strong colors of white, silver or gold light around you. Let these cling to your body and then move out to about a foot away from the body.  White light is the strongest.

Pulsating Light Defense This is a very strong defense and personally I have only used it at times of great worry. Imagine the whole body as a dynamo able to produce pulses of intense white (or blue) light. Then image these pulses being transmitted (rather like the old BBC transmitter adverts) into the ether. Concentrate on these pulses and send them out rapidly and strongly. Always re-enforce with the shield of light and later the orb of light.

Mirrors Another way to shield is after you have visualized being encapsulated in the White Light, envision a circle of mirrors around that facing outward. Do not visualize these mirrors reflecting the negativity BACK to whomever it came from but rather upwards towards the heavens to be dissipated. Always visualize yourself in a bubble of White Light within your circle of mirrors.

The Golden Cross I have found this effective as a way of distinguishing "good" and "deceptive/bad" spirits. I am not sure if it is the symbolism that works or whether it serves as a way to concentrate and better distinguish their nature. As you sense the spirit form concerned, mentally hang a golden cross (other potent symbols may serve just as well) with a golden chain round its neck. Spirits that you do not want do not seem able to stand this and will often flee. Better spirits will seem enhanced. How can I scan myself to make sure everything is okay? First of all imagine yourself in the bag of light. Pure, white light is surrounding you and radiating from you. Imagine a large gold disc above your head. Look at it closely, is any area of the disc tarnished or dull. If it is, you are not feeling one hundred per cent. If the disc is badly tarnished or occluded, you may have some problems that need to be addressed. Next mentally run your hands psychically over your body. Do your hands seem to hesitate or even stick at any points. There may be problems there.

Building Yourself Up First of all, except in already mentally unstable people, being involved with Spirit will not make you morbid or obsessive. What it will do is open up a whole new field of view and give hope and love that we all live on and can progress through numerous lifetimes towards merging with the Godhead. First and for most develop a lifestyle with BALANCE. Find ways to deal with daily stress and learn how to quiet the mind with meditation and exercise such as yoga. Find a place of refuge where you can go at least once a day to ‘find’ self.

Taking care of the ‘vehicle’ (body): On a practical level, though I know many mediums who eat, drink and smoke in very normal ways, there does come a feeling of wanting to eat and drink pure things. It is by no means a requirement of medium ship to become vegetarian for example, but many people want to, as they detect the latent vibrations (often of violent death and suffering) from meat and fish. You may also become more sensitive to additives in food and drink and want to drink more water (particularly from pure springs). One good technique to reduce this pollution of food is a variation of the blessing. Hold your hands on or near the food and ask Spirit to bless this food and make it pure. It can be very surprising the effect this can have - in some cases like healing the food. It is a cliché in Spiritualist circles that most mediums are women and quite a few of them seem to wear dresses somewhat on the larger sizes! (I still hear that some believe they ride around on brooms at night too!!) However I have met many women mediums (myself included ) who are not like that, and as more younger people become involved, there is an increasing emphasis on life balance and acknowledgement that a healthy, fit body is a better vehicle for the ‘God’ force. Another cliché is that there are few male mediums and that they have a strong ‘feminine’ element in their make up. Again this is not true of many I have met, but all this DOES refer to the balance that mediums NEED to achieve in their own nature. Spirit seems to have no time for excessively strong male or female forces but believes these should be integrated and used for their best overall qualities in an individual.

Drugs to Induce Spiritual Awareness: Certain things also strongly affect medium ship. It is absolutely wrong to attempt medium ship while under the influence of alcoholic drink or drugs - of any sort. These will disrupt the connection and may lead to great vulnerability to influence by lower spirits. There are some traditions that use some forms of natural ‘mind altering’ substances, but they are also very aware of the pitfalls and have been taught from a very young age all the measures of protection and tradition that go with it. Unless you are studying with a group of these traditional people such as ‘Toltecs’ or some native American clans, DO NOT MESS with DRUGS!!..Also intent is very important. There must be a sincere desire to want to communicate with Spirit for the right motives. Like attracts Like and an Ouiji board session started for a laugh and just to see what happens will attract exactly the wrong sort of spirits. It is never the method that is at fault but the intention and sincerity with which it is used.

Sexual Energies: Sex is always a very confusing element in spiritual development. First of all consider that Guides are adamant that not only do we reincarnate may times but that we may be male or female and that this should be a matter of complete indifference except as a different experience vehicle to fulfill our life plans. They have no time for ideas like males being somehow superior to females - they are two sides of the same coin. For some life experiences it is more convenient to be male, for others female. Sex is a natural expression of the Life Force between all of us. (Same sex?) It was originally designed as a means of procreation, a way of starting new life in pleasure and love. Without Love, its real meaning is removed. There may be a tendency for long periods of incarnation to be male or female - but this is related to the lessons to be learnt or because the being forces this approach. This is a very in-depth topic, suffice to say that inner balance of male and female energies is a must. The natural situation of physical manifestation is not that of the self denying monk but the loving, mutually supporting family unit - giving and receiving in equality. Sexual love is one expression of that relationship and in balance and consummated in a loving way is right for this plane of existence. Enjoyment of sexual love in this context can enhance true spiritual development and bond and energize the partnership link. There may be circumstances in life where it is not possible for this love to be expressed: celibacy may then be a choice or forced through circumstances. Forms of dominating sex, steals energy from the other person and may lead to a temporary high in the one who steals it and a great low in the one who is stolen from. Suppression of this ‘link’ can lead to negative energies building up but may be useful at certain times in our existence - IF this is a free or mutual choice. Several sensible religions use the rough rule of thumb - "20 years to learn, 20 years to experience and 20 years to devote yourself to God". Only in those last 20 years will the individual consider celibacy. "Good health depends upon the correct functioning of the etheric body, and this vehicle can be refined through the life forces contained in a correct diet with the emphasis upon fruit, vegetables, nuts, juices, honey and water. Devitalized foods, smoking and alcohol only serve to clog the nadis or mediums and eventually create poor health. Exercise and fresh air, combined with correct breathing, also serve to cleanse the etheric body, and right thinking has an important role to play." David Tansley - Subtle Bodies Psychics or ’sensitive’ may be very affected by crowds, if they haven’t learnt to contain their aura, near to the body in such situations. They may also often feel a lack of energy as it is un-consciously or consciously drained by people or situations. Always sit quietly before entering psychic situations, eg. Before giving a reading. Sit quietly at night before going to sleep - psychics often very vivid dreams and wake up feeling tired, despite a full nights sleep - as they work in their dreams with and for Spirit.

Feedback about a reader is very important. It gives you an indication of a reader’s abilities. I personally used to have a little diary book and I would get people to leave a comment at the end of a reading. I have 7 of those books now and they are very precious to me. I always made my prospective clients read one first. Any good reader should have something with feedback indicating their abilities and accuracy. USE that and really go through it. I don’t recommend anyone use a reader that does not have this.

The forum from which I operate on now has typewritten feedback indicating client’s experiences. Please read it FIRST before making any calls. It is unfortunate but this type of feedback forum can be manipulated and abused by the less than ethical advisor. I have heard cases of people sending free telephone minutes to their friends and acquaintances just to have a five star feedback with glowing words left. This is not fair to the seeker and taints the whole system. (I have long since quit this psychic telephone line and will never work on a site like that again!) ~Anna 2007 (My Feedback Page)

Here are some indications that an advisor may ‘pad’ their feedback or the feedback may be less than fair and honest:

Seeing the same caller day after day…sometimes more than once or twice a day.GOOD indication that the caller is a friend or has been sent multiple free minutes to call that advisor and pad feedback.

Seeing comments from callers repeatedly thanking the advisor for free minutes. (The reader can be very generous and be sending out these minutes with genuine giving to regular clients or people in real need, BUT there are many that tend to send out free minutes that have a ‘catch’ to them ). If you ever receive free minutes from a psychic, use them with care. Be prepared to hang up after the minutes are up if you are not comfortable with that reader or they are trying to get you to add more money or they don’t connect with you immediately. Be wary of any free offers that ask you for something in return for those minutes, even if it IS only a five star rating.

Seeing a negative feedback followed by a glowing feedback that speaks negatively about the caller that left the negative feedback. Some people feel it a duty to a favorite advisor to protect them from others who find their reading less than good. That is all fine and good, but it is not fair. Some readers cannot connect with everybody and the caller needs to be free to express this. The whole purpose of a feedback forum is to get an idea of the reader, positive and negative. I have heard cases where a reader will actually call the Internet service they work for, whether it is Keen or whatever and have a negative feedback removed! Again this undermines the integrity of the whole system.

Be wary of the advisor that singles out a person that has left a less than 5 star feedback on their pages by making a retaliatory comment for that person. Every psychic advisor is going to have somebody unhappy with a reading at some point or other for a NUMBER of different reasons. It just means that the advisor is HUMAN and the person seeking the reading may not have wanted to hear the truth or the advisor could not connect on a level that the seeker was ‘expecting’. One or two clients being unhappy does NOT mean the psychic is bad or not real. I myself have had more than one person that has not been happy with a reading and I do admit it bothers me because I like to think that I am helping, BUT…that person has every right to feel as they do about my reading and express it honestly with out fear of my EGO being hurt. Unfortunately, I feel too many ‘psychics’ start to believe that they are infallible and SPECIAL. It clouds their true purpose and the fact that they are ONLY ‘messengers’…no BETTER or worse than the postman that delivers your mail messages, the panhandler in the street that delivers the message of compassion for others or the terrorist that delivers the message that hatred only brings sorrow and suffering. We are ALL ‘messengers’ in some form or other.

Finally when reading feedback, trust your own instincts!…Your own feelings will tell you if something feels OFF about the overall feedback on a psychic. I find if very sad that we as seekers of answers and TRUTH have to be so wary of people claiming to have gifts and be of a higher Spiritual nature, but it is big business and when money is involved it turns even some of the most gifted people into something less than pure of intent.

During waiting periods is feels as if we “should” be doing something to go forward. However, these times are usually times when we don’t have to actually do anything. From our perspective it is a time of stillness but from the perspective of our Guiding entities, it is a time of much action.

From the Guides’ perspective, it is a time of set-up. Experiences are being set-up for us. Lessons are being arranged and opportunities are being put into place. The Guides are running around ensuring all the pieces are ready for us when the time is right for us to once again actively start moving forward. If you meditate to see what is going on, you might see pictures of the Guides running around or pictures of a primary Guide giving instructions to other Guides who disappear from the picture and then return. A checklist of what needs to be in place is being followed until all items on the list are done.

Sometimes, a waiting period involves other people that are learning lessons. Those people are important to your life path and you must wait until they learn their lessons before you can actively move forward. Again, you may feel like nothing is going on in your life but the people you are waiting for are going through many, many changes. Once they are ready you can start to feel the action in your life. Remember, everything happens in sequence and one event must happen before the next and your next event might be dependent on someone else.

Waiting periods are difficult to handle for most people. We are used to “doing something”. Unless we are absolutely exhausted or ill, we believe that we should be working, cleaning, learning, planning, expanding our awareness, healing, etc. We feel it is alright to rest for a short period of time but not for several weeks or months and sometimes waiting periods can take that long. What makes the waiting period even more difficult is that you can feel the new energy starting to come into your life so you think you should be doing something but there is nothing to actually do yet.

How can a person handle those time periods? First of all you have to be able to recognize these times. If you meditate and your Guides tell you that it is a rest period then that makes things a little easier. Otherwise, you need to trust your intuition because you WILL feel that there is nothing for you to do. If you can rid yourself of all feelings of fear or pressures from family or society that you “should” be doing something, then the answer of rest and relaxation will become apparent to you. Most importantly, having patience and trusting will get you through those long days of simply waiting and those days can feel like they go on forever.

These time periods can actually feel more difficult than going through the actual lesson. Most of us are used to having to do something but few who are walking this path are used to taking a few months off from our learning. Waiting periods are lessons in themselves and if you find yourself in the middle of one try to enjoy it instead of worrying over it. Know that the waiting will end and you will soon be moving on in life so take advantage of the downtime to relax and enjoy life.

This is my own belief and may not agree with other readers, but over the years I have noticed some things regarding timing.

First and foremost I believe everything happens ‘for a reason’ and this reason is usually to further our growth as Spiritual beings and as humans. It is usually the things that most concern us and that we HOPE for are also the things we have huge ‘fears’ about not receiving or accomplishing.

When people search out and consult a ‘reader’ they are usually asking about people and events that represent their wishes and dreams. As a result, they usually have a lot of fear and dread that they will not get their ‘heart’s desires’.

Any good psychic should be able to tune in to your higher self and guides and give you what you NEED to know regarding your questions. You will NOT always get the answers as sometimes I believe we are just not MEANT to know certain outcomes but can only get ‘probabilities’. In fact I believe that most ‘readings’ are NEVER a guaranteed outcome, but will be brought about if it is IS for the utmost growth and learning.

Whoever coined the phrase “timing is everything” should be a rich person. So many times when I am reading people, and they are hitting tough energy, too often the immediate impulse is to become fearful and climb back into old patterns and thinking.

Too often we expect miracles and good to come on our time schedule. When the truth is that timing is in the hands of the universe, and how we respond to the universe. How we align ourselves as whole and complete beings often dictates how quickly or painlessly we will get to our desired destination.

Whoever coined the phrase “it’s the journey not the destination” should also be rich. You will notice even in the smallest of instances, a board game for instance. You play the game with your opponent, struggle, have ups and downs, and eventually one of you wins. If you win, for a few moments you have a sense of elation and gratification, but that gratification quickly dissipates. The true gratification really grew from the process it took you to win the game. Matching wits, or devising strategies, valuing your contribution and how you managed the process to get to a “win” afforded you that moment of gratification.

The work it takes to get you to a “win” affords you real soul food, the stuff that elevates your energy permanently. If you walked away with a trophy that required no work you would find that trophy left you feeling empty.

The same parallel is true in life. If we got everything we wanted in life, in the time frame we wanted it to come, without really doing the work that it took to elevate our energy, the “wins”, the “gains” and the “prosperity” would feel very empty to us, leaving us as empty cavities. Bodies walking around with no souls.

So as you go through your growth periods, and your confusions and worries, remember that they too are temporary, and there is much to be gained by flexing your emotional and mental muscles to sustain yourself during times of doubt. This is the good stuff. Times rich with opportunity for deepening your soul’s awareness. Then, when the “timing” is right, and when that particular “journey” is through, you will have your good. Don’t be greedy, and don’t second guess the universe. Learn to fine-tune your pace to a pace you can keep with the universe and the laws of nature. Then, you will feel that life is on your side and that you will know how to get what you want and go where you want to go in a time frame that feels right to you…remember… “God’s delays are not not God’s denials.”

I have another article on timing that is complimentary to this one. Also Please read ” The Waiting Game “. It may better help you understand why timing of events are a perfectly synchronized chain of occurrences…

Ok, so you are at a point where it seems none of the predictions given to you are happening. You are experiencing anxiety over delays in time frames coming to pass for you with your readings. You are feeling as if your reader or in some instances, your readers have let you down. You continually call back only to discover that the time frame as been moved to yet more WAITING!!

I want people to really GET this and understand it, please!!! More often than not, WE cause these delays ourselves! Yes, that may sound like such a simple easy answer to give, but unfortunately, I MYSELF [yep, and I am a reader too, go figure!] have been shown this and had it proven to me over and over. Yes, we can cause the delays all by ourselves simply by focusing on the situation/problem/relationship/whatever. too much!!!! Sometimes we want something so badly and want to control the outcomes so desperately, that we do not ‘let go and let God/Goddess/Universal energy’ work the magic. WE cause our own outcomes to be delayed.

Let me try and explain it to you in simple terms. ALL things both seen and unseen are energy. I think this has been scientifically proven well enough to be believable even if many other concepts are not. Our thoughts are energy. Every single thought we have is a piece of energy. It has a real and tangible effect on our universe. It is said that positive thoughts create positive results and vice versa for negative thoughts. Think about this. It is human nature to fear getting what it is we usually most want! I don’t care how positive a person is, there is always that little hint of fear!

Now example: ‘Psychic so&so’ has told ‘Mary so&so’ that ’such&such’ will happen 3 weeks from now….GREAT, WONDERFUL. FANTASTIC!!!! So Mary happily goes along THINKING about this CONSTANTLY. In her head she is saying. “this will happen in 3 weeks…2 weeks 6 days…2 weeks 5 days and counting!! BUT, along with that thought is this other little human things that comes with it…”I want to believe psychic so&so, and I DO believe psychic so& so, but what IF they are wrong???..what if it won’t happen… what if, WHAT IF?..and there it goes…the conflicting energies you are sending out with your THOUGHTS!!!…”yes I want it…yes I believe it, yes I feel it, yes, I see, it…BUT, BUT, BUT.I call this fear and faith syndrome …and so 3 weeks goes by and you have consistently and constantly thought about nothing else but that 3 week time frame and what may or may not happen…OH…and damn that psychic so&so if they are wrong, by the way!!!..:-)

and guess what?…NOTHING HAPPENS…you are still sitting there on your booty waiting for something and ready to call that ‘psychic so&so’ again!!!….frustrated, confused, angry, (notice all the negative emotions?) because nothing happened. I can almost guarantee you calling ‘reader so&so’ will only get you basically the SAME READING you spent lots of money on 3 weeks prior!…do you get the picture?

The other thing that you need to understand about ‘energy’. When you are focusing on any one particular person, I can guarantee you that person is receiving that energy on some level!!!!…they may not be consciously aware of it, but it is there. If someone has broken off with you because they tell you they need time to think, then LISTEN to them and respect that!…this means NOT sitting there and focusing your thoughts on “please come back, I love you.”…you may no longer be a physical force in their life, but your energy is still very there with them, they will feel it and CONTINUE to try and force you to give them space by keeping their distance.

I consistently and continually tell clients.. LET GO!!!..and when I say let go, I mean LET GO!!!…I know this is the singular HARDEST thing to do because there is such a FEAR with that. How do I personally know???…I HAVE been there myself!! There is that huge and looming fear…”if I let go and forget about them and start living my life again every day, they will do the same”….well OK!…here is a silly question to ask yourself…IF they choose to do that, then are they really WORTH it in the first place??…if their feelings are THAT shallow and they can just forget about you and move right on out the door and on with their lives, then obviously there was never much there in the first place?????…..I know simple questions, but honestly, the simple questions usually get the most profound answers!

So….you are asking for a reading because you want ’so&so’ back in your life. OK, fine. Now you have been told that he/she is taking time for themselves to think, reassess, reflect, in other words taking time for THEMSELVES to sort out their life. Now another silly question to ask yourself but…if they are doing that, why in heaven’s name are you not using this time to DO THE SAME FOR YOURSELF?? Use the time to reflect on how the relationship degenerated to the state where it is. Ask yourself, what was MY part in this?…What can I do RIGHT NOW to make positive changes, NOT ONLY for him/her, but for MYSELF? Are you not important and valuable enough in the relationship to reassess YOUR NEEDS? Please think about these things…

Start with a goal, an idea a thought, and then you go about finding ways to MAKE it happen, you don’t just sit there and think about it. Get up and DO something. anything.  but things that will bring you some kind of peace and happiness and joy. EACH AND EVERY DAY. you cannot sit there and wait for things to fall into your lap or wait until all of your reading just miraculously comes true. I cannot speak for any other reader, but I feel that my readings come from Spirit and your Higher self. That place does not know TIME. They only see your path and potential and they give the information based on the idea that you are constantly working towards your own personal growth each and every day. The only person we can fault for positive and good things not coming into our lives is OUR SELF. Not some reader, or lover, or child, or friend, or job, or boss or WHO EVER and what ever!…I am sorry, but WE are the masters of our own fate, NO one else.

I have put literally hundreds of hours of my time into this web site. I am the world’s slowest typist and this site has been and is a LABOR of love! It is my personal way of trying to help people without anyone having to pay. I am not paid anything for this, in fact I pay to have it hosted, so please take advantage of it!!!…USE this site as best you can to get some ideas on how to better yourself. Go to my recommended reading page. Those books are some of the most valuable tools I have EVER found for my own personal growth. Please take the money you would spend on even just one psychic reading and invest it in a book instead! This is one GUARANTEE I can make. They will HELP YOU!!! The right books will inform, enlighten and enhance you!

Finally, yeah, I am long winded, be thankful I don’t keep you on a call with all this stuff!!!…:-) I am by no means an authority on how to live the perfect life and don’t even pretend to be. I have as many problems as anyone else, I am sure. But I have learned some very valuable lessons along the way and one of the HUGEST ones is?…STOP DWELLING on anything you have no CONTROL OVER and focus that energy on the things you CAN control!!!

Do you want to access and develop your own psychic abilities. My clients have said this ebook gave them a huge jump start. There are many books out there on developing your psychic abilities but this guide is short, sweet and to the point.

Clairvoyance Clairvoyance is the art of ’seeing’ with senses beyond the five we normally use. Clairvoyance is often called the ’sixth sense’ or E.S.P It is related to the images that are always present in your mind but you do not connect to. You will experience images, colors, and often animated scenes. This is the ability that most * readers/ psychics/ clarirvoyants* possess. Clairvoyance is like a second level of thought, one step higher than the normal level of thinking that we all do, Clairvoyants can work at that level to *see* beyond what we normally *see*

Clairaudience Clairaudience is the ability to *hear* beyond the normal range of hearing like messages in thought forms from an spirit who exists in another realm. You ‘hear’ what they are saying in thought form messages or in normal human hearing You may actually hear spirits talking in your head yet there is no sounds. Many of us receive messages this way from spirit guides. When a person loses a loved one they often receive messages from them. Many of us become aware of this skill when we are in danger and that ‘little inner voice’ sends a warning. This causes us to respond instantly though we are not sure why. Clairaudience can be known as the * voices in the head*

Clairsentience Clairsentience is the ability to *feel* things that *something’s there but I can’t see it* ability. A lot of people have this ability but do not know that they possess it A tickling sensation on the hand or face during meditation. A pressure on the top of the head when talking or connecting with a Spirit. Hairs on the back of the neck standing on end when a spirit is near. A sensation in the left side of the face when talking with spirit. A floral smell… A movement as a flick of white, purple, or blue light. Seeing shadows in the periphery of your field of vision

Clairgustance Awareness of an spirit on the other side by the sense of taste. A sense experienced in the mouth. It could by a favorite food associated with a deceased entity, or in many instances the way a deceased person prepared the food to taste

Empathy Empathy is the ability to *Feel* emotional, mental, physical and spiritual energy level and can be read as images or feelings, an empathic person can find they are able to sense things with a person that others can not sense Empathic can also be called *sensitives*, and sometimes can actually *read* people

Telekinesis Moving objects from one place to another without using physical contact. The re-shaping of objects using the mind’s energies, such as bending a spoon, or key, by just holding it and focusing. The energy to move or bend an object is created by a person’s thoughts created by their subconscious mind. Your energy levels must be very high.

Telepathy It involves mind to mind contact - communication - of one mind with another by means beyond the normal or ordinary beyond the frequencies of the five physical senses - sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell. Telepathy is sending of thoughts from one person to another without using the usual sensory channels of communication, a form of extrasensory perception (ESP).

Precognition Precognition is supernormal knowledge of future events, with emphasis not upon mentally causing events to occur but upon predicting those the occurrence of which the subject claims has already been determined. Like telepathy and clairvoyance, precognition is said to operate beyond the range of the normal senses and thus to be a form of extrasensory perception.

Psychometry Psychometry generally refers to the ability to gain impressions by holding an object. All objects carry frequencies. Therefore all objects will bring you images and mental thought forms, a person using this ability can sense illness, disease, pain and images of things that are connected to the item without knowing anything about it or the person/s involved with it.